Lately I've been reading a biography of Peter the Great, who was, from what I gather, pretty great. One section caught my eye:

Despite the political frustrations for Charles [XII, king of Sweden, with whom Peter was at war], the years in Poland, 1702-1706, were a time of great military glory, of heroic exploits, of enhancing the legend. In the autumn of 1702, for example, following the Battle of Klissow, Charles with only 300 Swedes rode up to the gates of Cracow and, from his horse, shouted loudly, "Open the gate!" The commander of the garrison opened the gate slightly and stuck out his head to see who was shouting. Charles instantly struck him in the face with his riding crop, the Swedes behind him pushed open the gate and the cowed defenders surrendered without firing a shot.

This rules, and I wish I had been there. Fortunately, thanks to the astounding power of Astound-o-vision™ (warning: contains mild peril; may cause blindness; if vomiting persists more than two weeks, sucks to be you) we can view this event as though it were really happening in front of us!

EXT. SCENE South Poland

CHARLES (walking up to a huge gate): Knock knock, faggots!

GARRY THE GARRISON COMMANDER (opening gate to look around): Who is it?

CHARLES (hitting Garry with a riding crop): RIDING CROP IN THE FACE! Get 'em, boys!

Astounding, eh?