I wasn't going to do this, but then I got a phone call that the President had been kidnapped by ninjas. I wasn't going to do anything about that, either (seriously, ninjas kidnapping President Bush would rule because, hey, ninjas!), in part because I am not a Bad Dude, but then I was informed that it wasn't the President of the US but the president of Wallycorp, where dreams are made™. Out of ground up kittens.

Also the ninjas were just Sinja, who was so ninja-y that people counted him three times. Then I got a ransom note demanding that I would fill out the 50 things list if I wanted Wally back. And since I do, here's the list. You would be wise to return Wally, Sinja. Preferably fed.

1. Do you like cheese?
- Hell yes. Anyone who doesn't is a terrorist.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
- I have not. I am my anti-drug. Also, chocolate milk is my anti-drug. That stuff is awesome.

3. Do you own a gun?
- Not unless a paintball gun counts. Some day I will purchase a gun used for killin'.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
- Not unless the doctorate is in destruction. I also have this problem with persons holding a Masters in disaster.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
- They are made of delicious. Also pig anus.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
- Anything by Sonata Arctica. And if you feel that speed metal is not Christmas music, then you are a terrorist.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
- Water. Coffee stunts one's growth. And yellows the teeth. And caffeine is made of despair.

9. Can you do push ups?
- Technically, yes. Wait, push ups plural?

10. Is your bathroom clean?
- Cleaner than my cat's bathroom. (She's terrible at cleaning up after herself, just kicks everything around.)

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
- I had a silver ring once with Celtic loops on it, a gift from my ex-girlfriend. I lost it. I miss that ring.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
- Moon-based command stations for the ion cannon satellite network in Earth orbit. This probably does not lure the opposite sex, but since I repulse all known females anyway it surely can't hurt. Plus it's the only secret weapon I have.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
- Probably not. Sometimes I get pretty hyper, but you couldn't tell it from looking at me.

16. Middle Name?
- Stearns.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
1) Quickly, Brain, how do I make this funny?
2) You know who should come online?
3) Apparently I think in questions a lot.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
1) Like eight pounds of grapes
2) Gasoline
3) Chocolate milk

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
1) Water
2) Arizona iced tea
3) There isn't a third one, but I sometimes drink milk. With chocolate in it.

20. Current worry?
- How much longer can I endure this?

21. Current hate?
- Jealous destiny, for she has cheated me of happiness.

22. Favorite place to be?
- Bed. Alone or not, but only for specific values of not.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
- I beat Elite Force 2. What! I don't have friends!

24. Where would you like to go?
- California.

27. Do you own slippers?
- Yes. They rule.

28. What are you wearing?
- A grey t-shirt I've had for many years and jean shorts.

29. Do you burn or tan?
- I don't let the sunlight on me in the first place, actually.

30. Favorite color?
- Blue. Or some shade thereof.

31. Would you be a pirate?
- I can't be more piratey than I already am. Yarr!

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
- 'God, let me just get through one more day without killing myself, please God please' by me.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
- Lint. Also the one ring.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
- Massey's biography of Peter the Great. (Or you could just say that history made me do it.)

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
- Red, yellow, and blue dinosaurs. Just like Sinja. Those things were awesome.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
- I broke my right wrist a few years ago. But that pales next to the non-physical pain of having my heart broken twice, once recently.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
- One. Or three. Computers do good duty as TVs. Which is why they are made of win.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
- I have no idea. My friends aren't really very loud.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
- Me, probably. I go days without saying a thing.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
- I seriously doubt it.

45. What is your favorite book?
- I have way too many literary loves to bother trying to figure out the one I like the most.

46. What is your favorite candy?
- Cherry cordials. Also made of win.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
- I don't really care. The person I'm marrying can choose. As long as she chooses right. Otherwise I may have to play a little chin music.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
- I'll be dead, what do I care? If pressed, I'd just insist that, again, anything by Sonata Arctica be blasted. I hate loud music, but I'll be dead. Suckers!

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
- Sleeping. Not that it did much good.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
- Not again.