Hey. What's up? Good to see you. Again, maybe. (Maybe not. And by that I mean "maybe it's not good to see you again, what are you doing here?") Welcome back! We're about to start a magical journey, which is magical in much the same way that those coin-operated massage beds in motels are magical. You know, magically crappy and nauseating, because those are important things to feel when one is tense. Lousy motels, quite frankly, are the only place I know of where you can actually pay for the privilege of feeling worse. It's something I should capitalize on - pay me and I'll gladly punch you in the gut after shaking you bodily! Fortunately, since you decided to visit, you're now forewarned. And as we all know, that's half an octopus (forewarned is four-armed -> half an octopus) towards preventing gut-punching.

And that's really the point, isn't it? The you being here, that is. Not the gut-punching, though I do have several great deals. This is The Second Coming of the Drawing Blog, my home-away-from-home which, curiously, I rarely visit unless I am actually at home. Note the fabulous colors. The cool graphics. The actually-doesn't-suck design of the blog, which was made by my eldest brother. The crazy Lovecraftian tentacle-ankh-thingy which serves as the background for my entries and was made by my youngest brother. The smooth, sultry voice of the author of the text (smoothness and sultriness not included). The spooky hypnosis-inducing subliminal mind power rays.

Wait. Actually, don't note those.

Anyway, If you're going to be spending a lot of time here - and quite patently YOU ARE - you'll want to be walked through what's new with Drawing Blog v2.0. So here's a quick list detailing both what it is and what it isn't.

What Drawing Blog v2.0 Is:

• Ten gallons of fun in a one gallon jug.
• Scientifically proven to cause 11% less rectal bleeding than the next leading brand of blog.
• Environmentally friendly. It even saved a baby.
• Proof that, yes, I truly am a national treasure.
• An outlaw in Peru.
• Powered by enslaved magic forest pixies called "electrons". Science truly has brought us an age of wonders!
• Brought to us by my brother, Ross. You'll find a link to his website joint at the bottom of each page. It's cleverly disguised as a delicious bear claw. Er, paw. You want to hire him. Trust me.
• Equipped with a search function. You'll find it on the sidebar, near the bottom.
• Guaranteed not to attempt autonomous takeover of the world before 2009. After that point, we're all doomed.
• Designed to be viewed on resolutions of 1024x768 pixels or better.
• Rated, on my personal scale of 'one' to 'a shoe', 'J-'. How's that for quality?
• Less than 40% likely to lay Brain Scorpion eggs in your brain, provided you tell all your friends, your family, your pets, and your fern about it.

• Designed to be viewed on 800x600. I understand why they're laid out this way, but I hate how much space is wasted in standard Blogdrive templates because of that decision. By God, I'm running 1280x1024; I don't need my blog to be 70% white space by volume!
• An alcoholic womanizer with a history of domestic violence.
• Small or not in charge.
• The sort of blog to kiss and tell.
• Quite done yet. The comments page is a little bit off, but it works fine. It should be finalized by the end of today.
• Compatible with alien computers. Use a Macintosh for that.
• An equal-opportunity employer. Statistically, everybody who works on this is a caucasian from a middle-class background.
• A front for a vast conspiracy aimed at controlling the world's supplies of vital eyeball rays.
• Not boring into your soul!
• At liberty to divulge that information.

So look around. Have fun. Eat. Drink. Be Mary. Even if you need gene therapy. I command it!