So, this happened. And you know, seriously, what the hell, guys? A submarine crash? I'm not sure I even have the words to mock how incredibly impossible that is. The British should just keep to surface fleets, and the French should just keep to surface fleets that are consistently annihilated in epic historic battles. Sorry, guys. When you crash a submarine you pretty much demonstrate that you cannot be trusted around anything sharper than, say, a marble.

Also this happened, and it's pretty awesome. Finally, football that's interesting for ladies and gays! But not gay ladies. The great thing about the article is that it's totally hilarious if you read it with an eye for double entendres, or pretend that they're talking about sex in general instead of somebody hacking the Superbowl or whatever happened.

But company officials have yet to determine how that act was committed, spokeswoman Kelle Maslyn said, though any sort of equipment malfunction has been ruled out.